Hypocrite

Not everybody is familiar with this word. Even though, they do it everyday. As a matter of fact, I did it as well. (Confession :- )

It happened when I was on duty to look after senior high school’s stud3nts in their national examination. It’s been a public secret that the watches have to be lenient to the students. They have to pretend that they don’t know if the students ask their friends for the answers.

However, I didn’t do it on the first day of the exam. I kept an aye on everyone of them and give a signal if I found them cheating by coughing or staring at the person. I told my friend (teacher from other school) that I cannot let them do it because it will ruin their future and somebody’s up there watching (I mean “God”) . Yet, I noticed that my friend goes with the majority. When the students (from science class. Can u imagine?) asked for the answers without hesitation,she pretended that she didn’t see anything. She looked at the floor and got a day dream.

I didn’t realize that I was too strict to students until my fellow worker (from my school) told me that I had been picked out by other teachers. They knew my name and they probably hate me.

When I write this story, I was on my third day for my duty to keep an eye on them. I learned that I mustn’t be too strict for them. I learned to be hypocrite. That’s why I used my time to write this story,otherwise, I won’t be able to write for my blog for good.

Note : For Corry (the beautiful lady who made this blog for me) – Cor, I finally have time to write for my blog.

I Have a Dream

I may not have the talent……
I may be an ordinary woman……
I may be not counted as a woman with special ability……
But I have a dream……
Just like Martin Luther King when he made a speech……I have a dream
He dreamed that everyone will be equal…everyone will not be seen from the skin, but from the content of character……it is impossible in his time
But………let’s see what we have today……
Barrack husein obamma…
The first African man who become president of America
Friends……there’s nothing is impossible……when we believe…
I believe that someday I will make my daughter and my family proud of me
Jesus, my greatest motivator, pls help me to make my dream come true

a Unique Proposal

It was Christmas eve, he came and I was so happy to meet him……we walked to the car and suddenly he put a ring on my finger and say……u will surely be my wife…
I’m stupefied… don’t know what to say…but I’m happy
I’m happy….happy……and happy……he proposed me (in his own way)
And this ring has replaced the ring that I have used for 10 years………

Thank u for making me smile

You know I can’t smile without u……can’t smile without u……can’t laugh & can’t sing…u know,I feel sad,when u’re sad……feel glad, when u’re glad……(do u know this song?) a nice song,isn’t it?
I don’t know what happen to me, but since I met this guy, my life has changed…It’s something that I never imagine. It’s impossible. I think I’m really in love with this guy. My best friends told me to think twice & try to reduce the frequency of texting him. For she might think that it probably becoz of the intense communication that make us love each other. I’ll try to do it……but I can’t.
I lost my spirit, don’t want to do anything. It hurts my heart. The more I want to forget him, the more hurt I make onto my heart……I’m tired
Schat……thank u for making my life meaningful
Thank u for making me smile again
Thank u for making my life colourful……I never want to fight for someone like this before. I never have a dream before. But with u I can see that my dream is not impossible…
Maybe I will face many obstacles…maybe I will have all my friends disagree with what I have to do……but, one thing for sure…I don’t want to loose him…

The one and only one

Have u ever met someone who is really different from the people u have met so far? I have…..and it’s an enjoyable and exhilarating moment.
Unlike many men I know, this guy is a shy one. He seems doesn’t want to show his face; it’s funny. He’s childish (in my mind). He doesn’t want to express his feeling by doing something that every man (I know) would do; such as: telling that he likes me or trying to hold my hand. Moreover, he is a perseverant man. He would struggle and willing to work hard if he has to do it. He once told me about his childhood. He lives not in a well-off family,but he can get food to eat & earn money. Not to mention, when he’s getting the food from the incense (I can’t imagine how crazy he was). He’s not afraid of anything and when u get to know him more, u will find that he’s so well-informed. He likes to read. It’s the one that makes me ashamed. I learn a lot from him. He teaches me the lesson to pursue my dream by giving many inspirations from famous people until ‘wayang puppet’ characters. From him, I can be a self-confident person and have a strong motivation to live this life meaningfully. He’s also a man of inspiration. He can make others say what he says or do what he does. However, as a human being, we are not perfect…. I know him from my friend. As a man has the weakness on women,so does he. It’s the one which makes me a bit cautious to give my full heart to him, because he was a great pretender. Besides, he’s also the man who can easily get many presents from women & (since I start this relationship by knowing him as a friend or maybe a brother who doesn’t need to keep our image cleaned to impress each other) he told me that it’s a bit of taking advantage of those women. I admit that he’s smart or I can say that he’s seeing every circumstances as an opportunity for him. Eventhough he looks innocent, he’s actually a man full of strategy. That’ s why, it is difficult for me to understand him,to learn his thought….but, now I know what to do….(and I also get it from him) I should think positively about him,coz what we think about others is what we pray for those people….At least, I try to take a risk, coz the chance never knocks on the door twice….I know that whatever I do….I just have to do it…and what I feel…I just have to feel it…without the necessity to keep it & make my self regret it.
I know that I have to rely on God for this thing & let Him guide our way….for He’s the one who knows our future

but, one thing for sure: I don’t want to loose this feeling

The “happy” bday

It should be ur bday, but God loves u since he took u from this game of life on May, the 31st.(sigh…speechless…)

It teaches me a lot of things….we can’t rely on our own thought & plan to take turn in this game of life….

I have many things loaded in my mind , but why can’t I express it? what’s wrong with me?

In shorts, I just want to thank Jesus for giving me a valuable & memorable lesson…..He is my living God and He can do anything best in His eyes for us.

Tipen….rest in peace at Jesus kingdom.

will never forget u,

me

Value your surrounding

The old saying “you will value a well when the  water dries up” comes into my mind lately. I just lost my dog….though it’s not a very good type of dog, but he has been with me since my daughter is still in my womb. He used to ask me to walk him (while I was also trying to exercise in order to give birth easily)….and if I couldn’t wake up, he would sniff me with his cold and wet nose. The funny thing is the time when he handed me his chain if I felt so ….lazy to walk.

It was Thursday, 8 pm…thunder stroke, rain poured heavily….a song “When you believe” came out of my mobile phone. I answered it and it was my old neighbor. She told me that my dog that I kept with her dog was lost in the morning…….

The Theme song of my life

My heart filled with joy………wanna know why?Today, I was reminded of the song entitled ‘Cinta Pertama (Sidney Mohede)’ . Perhaps not many who know this song….however, you could say that it is ‘the theme song of my life’. I used to think that loving someone means that u have to love that person with all of your heart…….yet, ready to die for him. I was COMPLETELY WRONG. When u put your heart to someone, u have to be ready for the deep cut in your heart. U have to be ready to sacrifice, think about others’ joy instead of thinking about ur need.
When I felt my first deep cut….I was so miserable. It seems that I don’t see any purpose of why I should stay alive in this world……Fortunately, my Jc turns His eyes on me and took pity on me and gave me strength to go through all of those things. He gave the song in my heart….. It is said that we have to love Him more than anything…anywhere…anytime…more precious than gold…..stronger than anything I know, ur name is to my heart……..
He is Jesus ….my pal…my daddy….my teacher…..my boss…..
All in all, there’s no one worthy to be loved except Him…..we only have conditional love when He doesn’t. He loves us even when we hurt Him……He loves us even when we call Him only to fulfill our needs.
Nothing in this world is eternal……our environment’s changing, people around us come and go, our hobbies are changing, our hairstyle could be changing, our beloved one’s feeling could change. There’s only one which is not changing ….it’s His love…………….THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE……………….

Hold ur anger

anger……….everyone knows it…everyone experiences it………everyone tries to take control of it…….
Proverb 14:17 says a quick-tempered man does foolish things……that’s why try to control ur temper…it’s gonna be easy,but worth to be tried…..today,somebody told me that her friends hated me after one of my colleagues scolded them and told them that I was the one who reported it to him. I was burst in anger, however I try to control myself. I could do nothing. I am in the middle of hard decisions. If I told my colleague and straighten the problem,I’m afraid he couldn’t accept my explanation and become more angry….if I told the students what was really happened at that time (because it’s just a misunderstanding) , I’m afraid they will be wondering on who is the spy among them that told me all of these problems……..puzzling…….
Yet, I don’t want to be foolish…….just ask Jesus to help me and the others settle the problems

Independent teams help students…….. to be independent

Time passed by and I just realized that it’s been a year since my first comment about the awful National Exam. The National Exam runs smoothly this year….we also have to thank the independent team consist of University’s elements that become the watchdogs. They observed the students who try to cheat, the invigilators who let them cheat, and many other things that lead to any cheating in National Exam. I heard some incidents from the days of exam….my friend told me that one of the strict independent team warned the invigilator who let the students open a piece of paper with the letters of answer on it. On the other occasion, she also warned the invigilators who had a chatting in the exam room……Thank you independent team..u make students to be ‘independent’.

Easter … is time to share

My students and I went to orphanage this afternoon. quite tiring since we had to cover almost 1 hour car driving to         reach that place. Yet, it’s so exciting to know them and get along with them. I’m really proud of my class students who can come in time and arrange the event in the orphanage (We have recorded their performance and I’ll publish it later on). But not too proud of them since they couldn’t feel the sense of sympathy. they still breed their selfishness by giving donation reluctantly, and nobody wanted to donate the amount of money above the expected donation. in fact, some of them told me that they prefer to go to PTC. some were doing it because it is a compulsory event  from school.

Easter….is a special day to me now.  why ‘now’? I used to think that Christmas is the special day since Jesus has been bornt in this world for us. However, I found out that Easter is the special day couple of years ago.  the reason is because I experienced so many miracles from God in Easter. in couple of years ago,  God helped me to go to my dream place which I thought I couldn’t reach it on my own. The place where I work helped me out. Then, I could meet and gather again (eventhough only for some times) with my dream person (the person that I wanna meet) thanks to the dream that he’s got so that he’s willing to meet me.

Easter …to me is a more  special day than xmas day. I guess I’m so obsessed with what Jesus had said on the cross “It is finished” (as what being preached by my pastor) what does the word mean?

it means….for all things that He has to do to redeem our sin…accomplished

for all of your sins ….that’s it…cut it…end it..

for all of your problems………….settled down

and it’s all because of Him ….being crucified…..isn’t it all  marvelous?

without looking down to Xmas day…..I do thank God for being on the cross for me….Do u?